It’s been a long time since I posted my last article on my blog and I cannot deny that I have spend days feeling quite guilty as a result of my ten month departure. This is not due to ‘writer’s block’ but rather one that extends from my mental health.
Many of you have read my previous posts about my eating disorder and anxiety issues and as part of my learning process to love myself, my blog is a platform for recovery. However, the fact that I have written a blog about recovery should be written from a positive and energetic mindset and I could not help but leave this site to recollect my thoughts and address my emotions. I wanted to take a break from my blog and didn’t want to create a facade, where I present myself as a recovering eating disorder patient who is returning to a healthy life – because I wasn’t, I was falling back to my bad habits. Within the ten months, I returned to my old cycle with eating. I couldn’t open myself up as a happy individual online when I wasn’t and so, I had to have some form of rebirth. What I mean by ‘rebirth’, I am referring to my mindset, one where I am facing my problems first before I go on my blog – because is it morally right to post articles on happiness and positive reflection when the writer is not feeling well? I felt wrong because although I was telling my followers and audience of both young and old, male and female, that I have recovered, I was still trapped in the process of cutting down meals, feeling alone and isolated. I didn’t want to send you, my beautiful warriors, a false representation of myself. I am still trying to love myself, my body and who I am innately and if I can’t do that, I can’t bring about the same love for others.
Despite the work overload at uni and my own personal struggles with mental health, I still regard blog writing as an important platform for bringing change and something that I will never give up. I want you to know that in all honesty, I have not fully recovered and my breaks from my blog is a way to understand myself more. I love each and everyone of you but at the very core of my heart, sometimes writers will have moments in their lives where they have breakdowns and it is hard to reconnect and spread a positive voice of change. I am sorry for not being able to post as many articles as I had initially promised but the only way to reconnect myself to my happiness was to take a break, and start new, a rebirth.
“To live fully is to let go and die each passing moment, and to be reborn in each new on.” – Jack Kornfield